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My mom emailed me a link today to the Hoosier Gazette, an Onion-esque fake newspaper focused entirely on Indiana. I had seen it once or twice before, but never saw the reader-submitted mottos they had on there. Some of them are pretty funny, so I decided to post them on here. Enjoy.

Indiana: If I knew where I was, I would not be here

Indiana: It’s just less intelligent here

Indiana: A great place to be from

Indiana: The place to be if you’re terminally ill, because each day in Indiana seems like an eternity

Indiana: Who really needs a high school education anyway?

Indiana: Where ambition goes to die

Indiana: Where South Bend is in the North, North Vernon is in the South and a French Lick is nothing like what it sounds

Indiana: Almost Seventy Years Without A Klan Governor

Indiana: Welcome to Indiana: Crystle Meth next three exits

Indiana: The Gateway to Better States

Indiana: I’m sorry, but you’re not in Ohio anymore

Indiana: Hey, at least we have Indy, which is kind of cool, I guess.

Indiana: What are you doing here? You have a college degree! Oh never mind, it’s from Ball State.

Indiana: America’s corn hole

Welcome to Indiana: Hope you brought something to do

Indiana: Leading America in being just east of Illinois

Indiana: The only state left where you can still hunt buffalo with an axe. (see state seal, below)

Indiana: Who says we’re north of the Ohio River?

I keep finding myself wishing I had a camera phone so I could take pictures of some of the funny and/or strange crap I see while out and about during the day. The pictures wouldn’t be as good as they are with my digital camera, obviously, bit I always have my phone with me (vs. always carrying a camera, which I just won’t do) and it would be better than nothing.

For instance, a couple weeks ago I was taking some trash out to the dumpster at work and and saw a pizza box that said, “Dairyland (not positive it was ‘Dairyland’, but it was ‘Dairy-something’) Pizza,” directly below which there was a large picture of a bipedal cow that was holding a pizza box and saying, “It’s moo-licious.”

I’ve used a variety of adjectives before when describing a tasty pizza. Words like ‘outstanding,’ ‘awesome,’ or ’so effing good,’ but I can guaran-damn-tee you that the word ‘moo-licious’ has never been one of them. Don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty certain that ‘moo-licious’ isn’t even a real word. Now if these people are using fake words on the box, imagine what they put IN the box.

At any rate, I really wanted a picture of that box on here. Guess I need to take a look at some picture phones, eh?

I’m sitting here bored, so I thought I’d post something my buddy Mike said today. He came over to the office and had lunch with me, and we decided to go to Burger King. While we were waiting for our food to be ready, an order was placed on the drive-thru, with this guy asking for “a Whopper with heavy pickles.” Mike says, “Heavy pickles? They must have been irradiated.” I was nearly in tears laughing. Comedy gold right there, folks.

And yes, we’re both geeks.