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During the course of my daily activities, I do a fair amount of driving. While out on highways and byways of the area, it’s (sadly) not uncommon to see trashbags on the side of the road. I often wonder if it’s actually garbage in there or if maybe it’s part of a person. Maybe someone got hacked up and shoved into a half dozen Hefty bags before being tossed out along the side of the interstate. Yes, I know that’s a bit morbid, but also entirely possible. Take a look the next time you see a trash bag on the side of the road; there could be anything in there.

More evidence that I’m a geek. Last night while working on my accounting homework, I took a break for about half an hour and read all kinds of stuff on the Intuitor Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics page. I find all of this stuff to be very interesting, particularly the thing about scaling. Highly recommended reading. I actually never liked my physics class in high school, but I like reading the theories behind things like this. Here’s an excerpt from the site, to give you an idea of what it’s like.

The Mac 10 Problem

Although 9 mm submachine guns such as the Uzi (which fires 600 rounds per minute) are popular in movies, everyone knows that real action heroes prefer .45 cal Mac 10’s. These fire bigger bullets at rates of 1000 rounds (in other words bullets) per minute. They have a thirty-round magazine (the long black thing that stores the bullets) and are by any measure a deadly weapon.

Movies are filled with scenes of good guys and bad guys blazing away for minutes at a time. Of course, no one is overly concerned with reloading or lack of ammunition, but then that’s been true since the days of singing cowboys such as Roy Rogers who smiled a lot and engaged in friendly gunplay between musical numbers. So why would we bother to mention what is common knowledge? We can’t help but be impressed by the weight of the matter.

First, let us point out that the thirty-round magazine in a Mac 10 will be expended in a mere 1.8 seconds of sustained fire! If our shooter blazes away steadily for a total of only 3 minutes, his or her Mac 10 will spit out around 3000 chunks of lead at roughly 15 grams a piece. This amounts to 45 kilograms or a little less than 100 pounds of lead. And that doesn’t account for the weight of the 3000 cartridge cases or 100 empty magazines scattered on the ground.

Second, bullets are, after all, propelled by some very hot gasses which exert high pressures that create high stresses in gun parts. A firearm can withstand the high pressures and stresses only if the blasts of high temperature gasses don’t happen too many times before the firearm has time to cool off. Running 3000 of these temperature cycles back-to-back would turn a light weight submachine gun, like a Mac 10, into a red hot piece of scrap metal, that is, if it even lasted for 3000 rounds.

Yes, 9 mm submachine guns with slower firing rates would reduce weight problems, but it seems that real action heroes use Mac 10s, preferably one in each hand. We can’t help asking where the sidekicks are with wheelbarrows to carry the ammo, let alone the cooling systems.

Companies like Noxzema or Neutrogena are always showing commercials for their newest concoctions for clearing up your skin, especially on your face. They’ll get rid of acne, tighten your skin, and make your pores smaller. Hey skin care companies, you want to impress me? Create a product that makes it so it doesn’t look like I fried bacon on my cell phone after I use it. I’m fairly certain I’m not alone on this, and if I am, I’m going to set up a couple oil derricks on my face. [note: my face is really not very oily at all]

Not sure what I’m talking about? Go wash your face, clean your screen on your cell phone, and then make a five minute phone call. I guaran-damn-tee that you’ll feel like a greasy bitch afterward. And if not, you’ve probably got dryer skin than Ramses II.