zesticle.com

Companies like Noxzema or Neutrogena are always showing commercials for their newest concoctions for clearing up your skin, especially on your face. They’ll get rid of acne, tighten your skin, and make your pores smaller. Hey skin care companies, you want to impress me? Create a product that makes it so it doesn’t look like I fried bacon on my cell phone after I use it. I’m fairly certain I’m not alone on this, and if I am, I’m going to set up a couple oil derricks on my face. [note: my face is really not very oily at all]

Not sure what I’m talking about? Go wash your face, clean your screen on your cell phone, and then make a five minute phone call. I guaran-damn-tee that you’ll feel like a greasy bitch afterward. And if not, you’ve probably got dryer skin than Ramses II.