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I was watching Four Brothers recently, and there is one scene in which (highlight to show text, as I don’t want to ruin anything for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet) a bunch of thugs show up at the Mercer house to kill all of the brothers. There’s a massive gunfight and the house gets pretty trashed. Fairly standard stuff for an action movie.

For some reason, I found myself wondering how you would file a claim against something like that with your insurance company when all was said and done. If you are involved in a shootout, how responsible are you for the damage that would be done to the home? Would they look at why the shootout got started, and if so, and they determined that you were responsible for people showing up at your doorstep in ski masks with assault rifles, would your claim get denied?

Fortunately I’ve never had to file a claim like this, but it makes one think.

Insurance Adjuster: “Okay, Mr. Camel, we’ve looked at your claim, and while most of the damages are going to be covered, there are a couple of exceptions.”
Me: “Such as?”
IA: “Well, according to the police report, you shot out the bay window near the kitchen while trying to dispatch one of the assailants.”
Me: “That’s correct.”
IA: “Unfortunately, per the terms of your policy, since you caused this damage, we’re not liable for the costs against repairing it. The same goes for the TV and stereo system that you shot out when one of the assailants tried to dive behind your entertainment center.”
Me: “I see…”

If any of you think you might be engaging in large-scale shootouts in or around your home, make sure you have detailed records of everything you would want replaced. Also, don’t forget to wipe the prints off of your gun and place it in one of the dead guys’ hand so that the police won’t know what you did and didn’t shoot up. I know, I know, that’s just common sense. I think you’d be surprised about what you forget to think about when your adrenaline is high in a situation like that. Leave a note posted on the wall somewhere to remind yourself if you have to.

Lastly, never forget that insurance companies are complete and total bastards, and sometimes the only thing they understand is a little vigilanteism. So don’t use all those guns you have stashed around the house solely for self-defense.