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My coat smells like springtime. The people at Downy would have you believe that, anyway. Matthew spilled some grape juice on the collar recently, so I had to wash it. Grape juice stains, and even though I let it dry on there for eight or nine hrs, the stain came out. But that is a different story. The important detail here is the way my coat smells.

Does it smell good? Yes.

Does it smell like springtime? I don’t think so.

I’ve walked outside on many beautiful April mornings, when the sunlight sparkled off beads of dew that clung to bright green blades of grass, and various birds warbled softly in the leaves overhead, and while I can’t necessarily tell you how the air smelled on those mornings, I can tell you that it didn’t smell like fabric softener.

So what’s the deal? Why try to tell consumers that your product smells like something it doesn’t smell like at all? [It’s worth noting that I would prefer to have my clothes smell like fabric softener more than a rain-soaked spring morning, which oftentimes has a hint of fishiness in the air.]

It’s the same crap the candy companies pull. Go try a grape Jolly Rancher and try to convince yourself that it tastes anything like a grape. Try the cherry or watermelon or green apple flavors. Same thing. I think I’d be happier if they named the flavors “purple,” “green,” or “sort of a light red but not really pink.”

I think I was going somewhere with this, but I’m not sure where, so this is where I get off. Since it’s so cold outside, I’m gonna go smell my jacket and think of May.