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This post is a couple months overdue, but better late than never. The Camel’s about to drop some truth on you kids. And the truth is, Guitar Hero rocks.

Some of you might be thinking, “What the crap is Guitar Hero?” Allow me to explain. Guitar Hero is a PS2 game that comes in a bundle like this:

Buying the $69.99 (I know some of you probably just choked, but it’s worth every penny) bundle gets you get the game and a guitar controller (with shoulder strap). The controller is 3/4-scale Gibson electric guitar replica, and features five buttons on the fretboard (the neck), a button you can tap up or down to simulate strumming, and a whammy bar. So we have a guitar, but what do we do with it?

Here’s a screenshot of what the game looks like in the middle of a song:

See those colored dots? Those move toward the bottom of the screen, with each color appearing in it’s own lane, representing the corresponding color on the guitar controller. When the colored dots are inside the circle at the bottom of the screen, you are supposed to have that “note” pushed in while you strum the guitar. The goal is to not miss any of the notes; the more you can string together without missing, the more pts you get for each note as it increases your score multiplier. There are four difficulty levels in the games, and six tiers of songs, from “Opening Licks” to “Face Melters,” and with each difficulty levels comes a higher number of the notes you have to play and a much faster pace that said notes come at you.

That might sound a little confusing, so the best thing you can do to “get it” is to watch this video of a guy playing “Stellar” by Incubus (this video is good to watch because you can watch his fingers and the game screen at the same time). Don’t be intimidated by the video - it’s on Expert difficulty and you will get to ease into the game much more gradually.

There are 30 licensed songs from bands like Black Sabbath, Franz Ferdinand, Queen, Boston, and Audioslave. There are also about 15-20 unlockable songs from independent groups, so it takes awhile to get to play every song.

Yes, you are going to look kind of like a dork with a “toy” guitar slung over your shoulder and rocking out in your living room. You’re also going to have a hell of a good time. I’ve shown the game to pretty much every person who’s been to my house since I got it, and every single one of them (even the ones who don’t like video games) thought it was a boatload of fun.

So go buy the game already, or at least come on over to my place to play it. And be prepared to get your face rocked off.

P.S. - I forgot to mention that if you have two of the guitar controllers, you can have a rock battle in the living room and compete with each other for the best score.

P.P.S. - I also forgot to mention that Guitar Hero II is coming out in November and is going to improve on the original in pretty much every conceivable way. It’s my most-anticipated game right now.

I left the house Tuesday night at about 10:00 when I realized I hadn’t eaten dinner yet. As I waited at a red light while headed toward McDonald’s (great birthday dinner, eh?), I was startled by the honk of a car. I looked in the lane next to me and saw an older woman looking in my direction. I paused my iPod, rolled my window down, and she asked me if I knew where the Courtyard by Marriott was. I told her to turn left at the first light over the bridge and to take the first left after that. She said thanks, the light turned green, and I was on my way.

I got about halfway over the bridge when I realized that if she turned at the first light on the other side of it, she’d be getting on the interstate. Crap. Fortunately, the light was red and I could sit and wait for her to catch up and warn her not to get on the interstate. She finally pulled up to the intersection, left turn signal on. I honked a couple times to get her attention and told her that she actually needed to turn at the next light. She smiled and thanked me.

And then turned left onto the interstate.

Hey, I tried.

Speaking of McDonald’s, I was in the drive through a couple weeks ago behind a big SUV. This one:

See that yellow circle by the taillight? There was something written there that struck me as funny, but I can’t read it from the picture, and it’s been awhile since I took the picture. Wasted humor potential.

Four questions, stolen from this article. I expect some feedback on this.

Question 1

A runaway trolley car is hurtling down a track. In its path are five people who will definitely be killed unless you, a bystander, flip a switch which will divert it on to another track, where it will kill one person. Should you flip the switch?

My answer: I would flip the switch, assuming all six people whose fate I’m deciding upon are strangers. If the one person was a family member or friend and I didn’t know any of the five, then I’d save the person I cared about. Maybe selfish, but it is what it is.

Question 2

The runaway trolley car is hurtling down a track where it will kill five people. You are standing on a bridge above the track and, aware of the imminent disaster, you decide to jump on the track to block the trolley car. Although you will die, the five people will be saved.

Just before your leap, you realise that you are too light to stop the trolley. Next to you, a fat man is standing on the very edge of the bridge. He would certainly block the trolley, although he would undoubtedly die from the impact. A small nudge and he would fall right onto the track below. No one would ever know. Should you push him?

My answer: I’m not sure why, but I have a much harder time with the idea of pushing a man to his death than with throwing switch. I am responsible for ending one person’s life to save five lives in both situations, but there’s something about having to directly push him that makes it seem worse. Logically, I would have to say that if you throw the switch in the previous scenario, then yes, you push the fatty off in the second. I’m not sure I would/could actually do it, though.

Question 3

One day, you wake up in hospital. In the nearby bed lies a world famous violinist who is connected to you with various tubes and machines.

To your horror, you discover that you have been kidnapped by the Music Appreciation Society. Aware of the maestro’s impending death, they hooked you up to the violinist.

If you stay in the hospital bed, connected to the violinist, he will be totally cured in nine months. You are unlikely to suffer harm. No one else can save him. Do you have an obligation to stay connected?

My answer: Pardon my French, but fuck that guy. No way would I sacrifice nine months of my life for that. I would, of course, sing a different tune (musical pun is unintentional) if it was someone I knew and cared about.

Question 4

An enormous rock falls and blocks the exit of a cave you and five other tourists have been exploring. Fortunately, you spot a hole elsewhere and decide to let “Big Jack” out first. But Big Jack, a man of generous proportions, gets stuck in the hole. He cannot be moved and there is no other way out.

The high tide is rising and, unless you get out soon, everyone but Big Jack (whose head is sticking out of the cave) will inevitably drown. Searching through your backpack, you find a stick of dynamite. It will not move the rock, but will certainly blast Big Jack out of the hole. Big Jack, anticipating your thoughts, pleads for his life. He does not want to die, but neither do you and your four companions. Should you blast Big Jack out?

If the roles were reversed, what would you advise your trapped companions to do?

My answer: Sorry, dude, you’re getting blown up. If the roles were reversed, and I was the one blocking everyone else’s exit, I would want them to blow me up as well.