zesticle.com

Is it just me, or do the letters at the top of this post look like two people surrounding a mermaid or slugperson or something similar? I noticed it this morning when I was emailing back and forth with Jen and typed the word “hijinks”. That’s a funny-looking word.

This past weekend I went on a voyage to a magical place called Minnesota. Or, as they call it in Minnesota, “Minnesota” (except they say it kind of funny since they’re pretty much Canadian). Had a good time. Went to the Mall of America. The Mall of America, if you are unfamiliar with it, is the biggest mall in the country, or was at one point. It has an amusement park inside of it, and I think a submarine ride of some sort. I found the whole thing to be completely unnecessary. It’s like a regular mall, except that there’s just a lot more of it. There are four Lids stores in the mall, in addition to a Hat World (both are owned by the same company). How many hat stores does one location need? I was just reading about the mall on Wikipedia, and apparently there used to be a Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania restaurant in it (likely in one of the massive food courts that I jokingly referred to as food supreme courts, although I never said outside of my own head). I’m very sad I never got to see it.

I have an outstanding costume planned for Halloween this year. It’s not actually for HALLOWEEN Halloween, since I won’t dress up to give candy out to kids, but I am going to a costume party on Sat. night, and it will be for that. Should be pretty good, and it’s definitely going to be pretty cheap. Good combo. Also, I have roughly 71 lbs of candy in my house right now, in addition to the two bags of Reese’s stuff that I have gone through since October hit. I’m sort of an addict when it comes to Reese’s stuff. If I didn’t have it in the house I’d be fine, but when it’s around I eat a LOT of it. I’m not sure what sort of divine intervention was required to make their concoctions come about, but I will happily tithe to whichever god or goddess was the muse for that one. But as I was saying, good costume. I will try to get pictures of it, but my digital camera is dead and I can’t find the charger for it. Curses!

I have been sending my resume out more, but no contact back on any of the positions yet. I get a lot of emails from places that want me to sell insurance or anything like that. Sales positions are relatively easy to get because they don’t have to pay you if you get hired and then suck at the job. I suppose if you were horribly disfigured they might not even bother with hiring you (sorry, Rocky Dennis) but aside from that, getting a gig as an insurance salesman should be a piece of cake.

Speaking of pieces of cake, my math teacher this semester is from Syria or Turkey or some such place, and has a strong accent, which I think he takes advantage of to try to make jokes and get away with them. For instance, if he thinks a math problem is easy, he’ll tell us it’s “a piece of cake” except he pronounces “cake” like “kyke”. If I was Jewish I’d probably be like, “Whud you jus’ say, mofo?” But I’m not, so I just think it’s funny.

This isn’t at all useful, but it’s entertaining. You can do this in any webpage you want, although I recommend doing it from a Google Image Search results page. Copy and paste the following code into your browser’s address bar and press Enter.

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval( 'A()',5); void(0);

I don’t really have any particular topic in mind, so I think I’m going to ramble just for the sake of posting something new.

I often write myself notes for post topics, but by the time I get around to actually writing them, I have no idea what any of them mean. I have a note in my cellphone from the middle of June that says “heat generation”. What the heck is that supposed to mean? Goodbye, potential post topic. We’ll never know what might have been. It’s sad, really. I feel like I just aborted a thought fetus (no coat hanger necessary).

I have had several people ask me recently how my job search is going. It isn’t. Before yesterday afternoon, I hadn’t really looked for anything (aside from browsing the Sunday classifieds a handful of times, but based on the jobs in there, I’m pretty sure the only jobs that are still advertised in the paper are for people who probably don’t know how to get on the internet). I found a couple jobs online yesterday that I am going to submit my resume to. One of them is pretty much the exact same job I have now, so I’m not too hung up on that one. The other is a position that I believe I’m greatly underqualified for, but I figure it won’t hurt to apply.

It makes me laugh when it’s raining out and I see old ladies wearing the small plastic tarps on their head to keep their hair from getting messed up. Old people in general are a pretty entertaining subset of the population. They seem to either be bitter and mean or warm and kind, with very little in-between. They movely slowly [note: this is only funny when you are not behind them on the road], and a lot of them employ the shuffle step, whereby they walk without really picking their feet up off the ground. I think this is to minimize the risk of falling and shattering their comically fragile hips. Keep at it, old folks. And tell Florida I said hi.

That’s enough for now, I think, as it is high time that I got some lunch in me. More to come soon (I hope).