zesticle.com

Ever since early in high school, I have been a big fan of reading the personal ads in the newspaper. We used to have newspapers readily available in study hall, so I would read them and “lol” at some of the ads in there, even though I knew people who had met that way and didn’t think it was weird. Some of them were just worded comically. I especially liked the ones with the ladies who were “really curvy” or who obviously wanted a rich guy.

Later in high school I found out about Nuvo newspaper, which has way better personal ads. Instead of just hinting at the prospect of sex, the Nuvo ads seemed to be dripping with it. Innuendo gave way to out-and-out requests. It was sort of like going from a county fair to the state fair; the county fair was always something to look forward to, but only because you hadn’t been to the far superior version. [note: this is a poor analogy for me since I don’t like fairs of any kind, but you get the idea]. Nuvo wasn’t readily available at the high school so I didn’t get to see that one as much, but it’s a free paper and I’d pick it up whenever I was somewhere that had it.

Eventually I lost interest in that sort of thing and I stopped reading them, except for a few instances here and there. I don’t know if it was just that the content was getting stale (if you read them long enough, it seems like you eventually read the same thing over and over and over) or I matured (this theory to be refuted momentarily), but looking at sexy personals faded from cherished pastime to cherished memory.

Then I found out about Craigslist.

For those that don’t know, Craigslist is a free online classified ad service that is available in pretty much every major US city. It is a great way to sell your crap without having to pay a bunch of money to the local paper to get it listed. As you might have guessed, they also have free online personal ads.

The ads in Craigslist are under a few different categories, such as “strictly platonic,” “women seeking men,” and my favorite, “casual encounters.” The latter section is for people who just want to hook up and get their freak on, and it’s chock full of risqué hilarity. Let’s take a gander, shall we?

A fair amount of the ads on here are clearly spam for porn sites or the like, so I will try to weed those out. It is also worth noting that as far as Craigslist usage goes, Indianapolis is small potatoes. It is worth your time to look at bigger places like Chicago or NY for more good stuff. Onward.

This one is funny to me because of specific and tame it is. I doubt that it would not go past this if the dude wanted more, but what the hell do I know.

flirting and passionate kissing - w4m - 35
I am married, prefer if you are, too. Looking to flirt with attractive, educated, smart and witty guy. Meet for drinks, witty banter, educated conversation and then find myself thinking about nothing else than what it feels like to be kissed by you.

I wonder what this next chick thinks her best feature is…

I have big boobs! - w4m - 24
Want to have a sweet busty girl for a night of fun? I’m looking for a little fun tonight. Send me a pic and I can send you mine. Must be local as i dont want to wait all night.

Something here doesn’t add up.

Looking for a hot guy! - w4m - 24
Thats right boys… I want someone who can treat me right! hit me up on aim if you want to give it a shot and see if we can hit it off. My screen name is hugebroad4975

I am only looking for men in indianapolis. Oh and by the way, I am 5 foot 8 with dark brown hair and green eyes. As far as weight… let’s just say I am in the 130 range.

Talk to ya soon.

5′8″, weight in the 130’s, and your screenname is hugebroad? Forgive me for being skeptical.

This next one is pretty awesome because of the pic attached to the ad. Some of these ads have some very NSFW pics attached, but you can safely view this one.

who wants to chat? - w4m - 30
Looking for a guy to chat with tonight, I’m bored.

Send me a pic and let’s chat on yahoo and have some fun!!!

I put my REAL pic on here and it got flagged, so this will have to do until we chat in a few mins…..

I’m petite, thick, blond, blue.

Your pic gets my im right away!!!
[click here for pic]

And finally, I find the kind of woman I’m looking for (she has some bones):

I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest man tonight. - w4m
ME: Eyelashes. Cheek Bones. Hip Bones. Colar Bones. Sporks. Ketchup.
Movies. Cuddling. Music. Going Downtown. Talking On The Phone. Internet. Ice
Cream. Shopping. Traveling. Writing. Observing.

There are thousands and thousands of these so I could post them all day, but I think you guys get the idea. So the next time you’re bored and “ISO” a good time (I guess even that kind of good time) you know where to go. I have to go email the ketchup/spork chick now.