fortunately they were pretty much the denim equivalent of switzerland throughout the ordeal
28 03 2007People go through struggles every day. Sometimes a person can’t decide what to wear in the morning, or they have to walk to school without getting stabbed by street toughs, or they struggle internally to keep from strangling their colleagues and co-workers (I have this one fairly often; I am not sure what the score is, but right now I am pitching a shutout). Yesterday I had a struggle against gravity. Specifically, my body and the earth were playing a day-long game of tug-of-war with my pants.
When I got dressed yesterday morning, I forgot to include a belt with my outfit. My pants were fresh out of the dryer, and being freshly laundered, they weren’t as “loose” as they would have been if I had worn them a time or two since their previous washing. I suspect this is why I didn’t think to put on my belt. I pretty much threw my pants and shoes on and headed out the door. It wasn’t until I got to work that I realized there was a problem.
As most of you (who don’t exclusively wear sweatpants) probably know, the longer you wear something, the more it loosens up. Although my pants were a little saggy on me when I got to work, by the end of the day I was honestly concerned that they might fall off at any moment. Not a big deal at work since I just sit at my desk, pinning my pants between the chair and my shapely behind, but I had to go to school after work. I just sit just as hard during class as I do at work, but a fair amount of walking is required to get from my car to my classroom.
As I sat in the parking garage at school, I scanned my car for anything I could use as a makeshift belt. There was a scarf, abandoned when the cold left, and though it was long enough, I would have looked like less of an idiot baby-stepping to class with my pants around my ankles than I would have with that scarf holding my pants up. Plus I’m not sure I could have made it fit through the belt loops in my jeans. That was it.
The only thing I had going for me was the fact that I had put on clean underwear that morning. Hopefully no one would get a chance to see them. I’m all for self-expression, but I’m pretty strongly against the practice of young men wearing their pants in such a fashion that the world sees their boxer shorts. I have no desire to be that guy. And while I’m on the subject, I’d also like to mention my disdain for dudes wearing girls’ jeans, which I keep seeing more and more often (at the mall). Wtf, dudes? But I digress.
I got out of the car and my pants immediately fell to a dangerous level, but seemed like they might stay. Just to be cautious, I took everything other than my wallet out of my pockets and transferred them to my bookbag. You don’t want to load up a pack mule with a gimpy leg.
I took a few steps and knew that no matter how light I made my load, I was going to have issues. I walked slowly and purposely, senses heightened, trying to feel for any sign that my jeans were giving up the fight. I now realize how old people must feel when walking and trying to protect their brittle pelvises. Eventually I stuck my hand in one pocket and tried to hold tight to the material inside without making it to obvious that I was making a fist inside my pants. I don’t know if I got any strange looks, since I think I stared at the ground the entire way.
I made it to class and back to the car without incident, and I now have a much greater appreciation for the value of belts.
Ha ha, no way, dude. You are easily replaceable.
I got the visual of my dad before he died, when he was really old, standing up and his drawers would immediately fall to the floor. We’d go into a mad dash to hoist his pants back up so he wouldn’t be embarrassed until finally one day he looked at me and said, “For God sakes, haven’t you ever seen a man in his underwear before?” Little old people usually lose their pants because they have no ass left to hold anything up. I look forward to THAT problem some day.
Ok I can’t believe I have to explain this to you……Whatever it is that turns you on, be it midgets or amputees, just think of that all day. Hard-ons are nature’s belts. I’m sure you are high enough on the evolutionary chain to maintain a hard-on! Or even super glue! I’m sure you have some around the office, apply a layer around the waistline and voila! INSTANT BELT!! Nail polish remover will help you free your skin from your slacks. I know this is your blog but I must denote a pesonal milestone: First use of the word slacks in response to a blog….HOORAY!
I wish I could have seen you trying to walk from one place to another. You wrote it out in such a way, that I could almost imagine it, and it made me smile.
p.s maybe you should just keep an emergency belt in your car.
great story.
I had some black sandals on Monday which are adorable, but within 2 hours almost had one of my poor little feet bleeding, so around 11am I went to Target and bought new black flip flops. Problem solved.
You shouldn’t shop during work, right. Well sometimes I do. I went to WalMart once and bought a belt because my pants were driving me crazy. I go to Kohls sometimes and look at shoes if I just need to get away from the office on my lunch. it’s nice to do that sometimes.
You don’t work anywhere near somewhere that would sell a decent belt though. Of course school is downtown and you could have swung by the mall. Or CVS and fashioned a belt out of some rope or a bungee cord or something. I would expect you of all people to be bit more resourceful-
Seriously, I can’t imagine that two hands in pockets doesn’t do the trick. You can bring ‘em in close, like you’re cold, or out, like you have super-pleats. Or is that a lady thing?
In india, it would have been different. Generally, male and female wear black/red ropes for some traditional reasons in their waist. This is a custom when the babe is born. Some retain whole of their life. Some remove during adolescent age feeling embarrassed to wear it. I remember kids at school, when they had not worn the belts, used to tugg their half pants in this waistrope(literally translated), also old people using it for the same purpose.
Interesting read though. Good layout