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You know how sometimes a person will say, “There are two kinds of people in the world,” and then they will name two diametrically opposed classifications of people? It’s a fairly common thing for people to say, but it’s obviously not the case. I don’t care how sweeping you want to make your generalizations, there are more than two kinds of people in the world. You really can’t even say that there are two types of people in the world, men and women, because of hermaphrodites and transsexuals and what have you.

However, if you were going to break the population down like that anyway, you might say that there are cat people and there are dog people. Of course I am talking about people who like cats or dogs, not half-human, half-cat/dog hybrids, although that would be pretty sweet. I guess there are some people out there who look like they’re half-dog, but I digress.

I’m not sure whether or not all of you know about this, but if you’re a guy and you enjoy having sex with women, you are supposed to be a dog person. Why is this the case? Apparently cats are kind of effeminate and preferring them to dogs makes you sorta gay. The only rationale I can come up with is that there are definitely some big, scary-ass dogs out there that would seem to make you manlier if you owned one. Like, “Yeah, my pitbull could eat my face whenever he wanted, but I’m such a manly man that he’s afraid of me and won’t try to act a fool.” There are no domestic cats that fit into a similar category.

But I greatly prefer cats, and I am not ashamed to admit it. As someone who suffers from chronic laziness, cats are a MUCH better pet option for me as they require much less work. My friends who have dogs are always having to move their schedules around so the dogs don’t eat their furniture or cover the inside of their house with disgusting canine waste. They’re seriously like having kids. With a cat, I can take off for three or four days as long as I top off the food and water before I go without having to hire a babysitter for it. I also much prefer having a small cat in my lap than even a medium-sized dog, but that’s just me.

Despite being comfortable with my cat fancy, I can’t help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation between that and my manliness. For anyone who knows me off of the internet, I am not a very scary guy. In fact, despite being somewhat large (6′2″+, 185-190 lbs), I’ve had several people tell me that I am the least intimidating guy they know. I would probably have a hard time scaring a girl scout. Are the two related? I have no idea. What are your thoughts?