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So I’m pretty sure I didn’t put any deodorant on this morning. I do this every once in awhile when my morning routine gets knocked out of whack. I don’t really consider myself a rigid, structured person, there are certain things that I need to in a particular order if I want to ensure that they get done. Or at all, in the case of deodorant application.

On the plus side of things, I don’t really stink today. I only noticed because I had a job interview earlier and found myself a little damper under the arms than I would have anticipated. I started retracing my steps from this morning and realized that yeah, I’m an idiot. A smelly idiot by the end of the day.

The middle of a job interview is not the best time to realize that you’re not really doing anything to mask your own personal fragrance, by the way. A job interview is a lot like a first date. You’re trying to impress them enough that they want to see you again, and if things go well enough, they’ll let you inside them. Being a smelly mofo can put a serious kink in those plans.

Although it’s not necessarily all bad that I didn’t put any on today. There is a possible link between the aluminum salts used in most antiperspirants and the development of Alzheimer’s disease. Maybe I’m already starting to get that, and that’s what prompted me to forget to put my deodorant on in the first place. What an odd sequence of cause and effect.

I’ve always thought it would be amazing to be able to go back to a number of periods in history and just watch people, but I have a feeling I would be ready to come back soon because the rampant B.O. would be too much to handle. I get a little sick to my stomach if I walk past somebody who clearly hasn’t showered recently. I can’t imagine how much a city full of similarly funky dudes and ladies would make me want to wretch.

In closing, I will try to make a more concerted effort in the future to maintain my personal hygiene at a satisfactory level. In return, I would appreciate it if you would do the same before visiting this site. I have a rep to maintain and can’t be seen fraternizing with smelly, greasy internet nerds. Go take a shower already, nerds.