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My girlfriend asked me awhile back why guys bother wearing underwear if they’re just wearing boxers, and I honestly don’t know. I’ve been a boxer dude since shortly after I left high school. I like the extra room and breathability afforded by boxers instead of briefs. It’s like living in a studio apartment and moving into a townhouse.

But given that boxer shorts really don’t provide any support whatsoever, why do I bother wearing them in the first place? Every now and then it’s nice to go out with an “unfurnished basment,” which feels only slightly different than going out with boxers on. I’ve only been able to come up with a few reasons so far. In no particular order:

• they offer privacy protection in the event that I were to get de-pantsed
• the offer physical protection between one’s genitals and the zipper of one’s pants
• they are often somewhat stylish, which could be an important factor when disrobing in mixed company

As Tony Kornheiser would say, “THAT’S IT! THAT’S THE LIST!”

Let’s not forget about boxer briefs, the semi-ridiculous amalgamation of two radically different styles of underwear. I’m pretty sure the only reason these exist is to keep you from looking like an idiot if you want to wear briefs. They might also help prevent wedgies (but not zwedgies).

So I guess to answer my own question (or my girlfriend’s, as the case would seem to be), I don’t know why I wear them. For some people, such self-realization might spark a change in behavior, and in this instance such an act would not be entirely without benefit. I’d spend less on clothes and would have less laundry to do. However, I tend to subscribe to the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” when it comes to a lot of things, so I shall be changing nothing.

Except my undies on a regular basis.