zesticle.com

I generally try to avoid making posts about current event issues because if someone reads a post two years after it was written, the news story I link to will almost certainly have been taken down and they won’t know what the hell I’m talking about. In this instance, though, I felt it was necessary to make an exception. The woman in this story and I have a lot in common: we are both victims of discrimination.

SAN DIEGO - Kyla Ebbert says she wants an apology from Southwest Airlines after being told to get off a plane and change her clothes because what she was wearing was too revealing. (read the rest of the story)

I am constantly being kicked out of places for being too sexy. “Sir,” the proprietor of a restaurant might say to me, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The first few times it happened I would get a confused look on my face and ask why. At this point, I just sort of hang my head and sigh before reaching for my coat.

“Some of the other patrons have complained that your appearance is… distracting.”
“What? What in the world are you talking about? I look perfectly fine!”
“That’s the problem, sir. You do look fine. And I mean FOINE!”

There would be a few moments of awkward eye contact.

“Sir, you are just too sexy. No one can think about eating when such a delectable hunk of man-candy is in their presence.” A short argument would ensue, but the results were always the same. I’d leave and everyone else would go about their business as if nothing had happened, the only sign of me presence being an increase in the average temperature of the other customers’ crotches.

It’s not just in restaurants. I have been tossed out of bookstores, escorted from malls, and I’m no longer even allowed in most strip clubs (apparently I throw the dancers off their routines and they ignore the other patrons?)

I, however, am still waiting for my chance to talk to Matt Lauer about it. Hopefully they don’t think I’m too sexy to put me on the show.

[Note: I shouldn’t have to do this, but just in case, I feel compelled to point out that this entire post was done tongue-in-cheek and that I don’t think I am even a tiny bit sexy, let alone sexy enough to be asked to leave an Olive Garden. Okay, MAYBE a White Castle, but have you ever been in there? It is Ugly HQ.