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As the IT guy at my work, I am tasked with making sure all of the computers in the office are operating as smoothly and efficiently as possible (this would be easier if everyone weren’t using four yr old hardware, but whatever). In the mind of the office manager, one of the best ways to do this is to make sure everyone’s keyboards are squeaky clean. To facilitate this, she gave me three cans of airduster yesterday afternoon.

I am sure all of you who enjoy huffing things just had your eyes light up like a six yr old’s on Christmas morning (as long as said six year old’s parents aren’t poor) at the mention of all that airduster. Sorry to disappoint you, but I intend to only use this stuff in a safe and responsible manner.

Like turning it upside down before shooting it because it makes freezing cold stuff come out. Awesome!

Before I got too far into my Arctic hijinks this morning, I decided to give my keyboard a good dusting. This is because it has been incredibly filthy since I got it. I read recently that your average keyboard has four times as many germs as the toilet seat in the office bathroom. If that is true for the average keyboard, I am pretty sure that the keyboard here has more germs than the dumpster outside a free clinic.

I seriously wish I had my good camera here with me, you guys, so you could see everything that came out of my keyboard. It is pretty gross. Dirt, crumbs, small pieces of God-knows-what, and a positively frightening number of what are either eyelashes or eyebrow hairs. Those are pretty much parts of another person who used to work here, right underneath the tips of my previously unsuspecting fingertips. Maybe they had hepatitis or a lip fungus or something. I don’t have any idea. I got a little crazy with the air nozzle and some of that stuff went into my cup of water. I don’t think I will be finishing that, but I think I might have gotten dysentery just from writing that last sentence.

Since I need to do the same thing for the other keyboards in the office, I’ll be sure to bring my camera in and update this post with pictures of that. The first batch should be up tomorrow morning.

In the meantime, I am going to see how much of that nasty-ass water I can freeze with just a can of air, unless I can find a bug or something. “How’s it feel to be an extra in The Day After Tomorrow, a-hole? Muahahaha!”