zesticle.com

So, I have a roommate moving in this weekend and he wants to transfer his home phone and DSL service to my house so he doesn’t have to pay any contract cancellation fees, and because he knows that I don’t use a landline. No problem.

I actually have a landline account that I have used solely to keep my home security system connected to the outside world in the event that it’s needed, so I called just a bit ago to try and cancel it. I kept getting bounced around automated menus, but finally talked to a real, live person. She told me I needed to talk to someone else (of course!) and said she would transfer me. Within a few seconds, I was hearing automated options again, as though I had just called in.

AT&T has one of the menus that lets you say what you want instead of pushing buttons for options. After I realized that I had been led back to the beginning of the menu system, I said, “aw Jesus!” After hearing my exclamation, the computer-controlled e-dude said, “It sounds like you’d like to speak with one of our operators.” I didn’t realize that (y)our Lord and savior worked at a call center. And since when can you ask for those people by name? Pretty impressive hiring, AT&T!

Jesus: “Thank you for calling AT&T, this is Jesus Christ. How may I help you today?”
Customer:: “Hi, Jesus. I need to cancel my service, please.”
J:: “I’ll be happy to assist you with that. Just one moment while I pull up your account.” *typing noises* “Okay, I’m showing that you have a past due balance of $55.81. You’ll have to pay that balance before I can fully terminate your account.”
C:: *sigh* “I called a couple months ago to get my service cancelled, and the lady said it went through, but you guys still billed me for two months of service after that.”
J:: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t show any record of a request for cancellation on this account.”
C:: “Well I’m not paying for two months of service that I shouldn’t have had in the first place. Check my call records, I haven’t used my phone since the last time I called. I haven’t even had the phone hooked up to the jacks!”
J:: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have no way of verifying that. I’m afraid you’ll have to pay the balance before I can terminate your account.”
C:: “May I speak with your supervisor, please?”
J:: “God? *lol* He doesn’t work here!”

Is it just me, or do the letters at the top of this post look like two people surrounding a mermaid or slugperson or something similar? I noticed it this morning when I was emailing back and forth with Jen and typed the word “hijinks”. That’s a funny-looking word.

This past weekend I went on a voyage to a magical place called Minnesota. Or, as they call it in Minnesota, “Minnesota” (except they say it kind of funny since they’re pretty much Canadian). Had a good time. Went to the Mall of America. The Mall of America, if you are unfamiliar with it, is the biggest mall in the country, or was at one point. It has an amusement park inside of it, and I think a submarine ride of some sort. I found the whole thing to be completely unnecessary. It’s like a regular mall, except that there’s just a lot more of it. There are four Lids stores in the mall, in addition to a Hat World (both are owned by the same company). How many hat stores does one location need? I was just reading about the mall on Wikipedia, and apparently there used to be a Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania restaurant in it (likely in one of the massive food courts that I jokingly referred to as food supreme courts, although I never said outside of my own head). I’m very sad I never got to see it.

I have an outstanding costume planned for Halloween this year. It’s not actually for HALLOWEEN Halloween, since I won’t dress up to give candy out to kids, but I am going to a costume party on Sat. night, and it will be for that. Should be pretty good, and it’s definitely going to be pretty cheap. Good combo. Also, I have roughly 71 lbs of candy in my house right now, in addition to the two bags of Reese’s stuff that I have gone through since October hit. I’m sort of an addict when it comes to Reese’s stuff. If I didn’t have it in the house I’d be fine, but when it’s around I eat a LOT of it. I’m not sure what sort of divine intervention was required to make their concoctions come about, but I will happily tithe to whichever god or goddess was the muse for that one. But as I was saying, good costume. I will try to get pictures of it, but my digital camera is dead and I can’t find the charger for it. Curses!

I have been sending my resume out more, but no contact back on any of the positions yet. I get a lot of emails from places that want me to sell insurance or anything like that. Sales positions are relatively easy to get because they don’t have to pay you if you get hired and then suck at the job. I suppose if you were horribly disfigured they might not even bother with hiring you (sorry, Rocky Dennis) but aside from that, getting a gig as an insurance salesman should be a piece of cake.

Speaking of pieces of cake, my math teacher this semester is from Syria or Turkey or some such place, and has a strong accent, which I think he takes advantage of to try to make jokes and get away with them. For instance, if he thinks a math problem is easy, he’ll tell us it’s “a piece of cake” except he pronounces “cake” like “kyke”. If I was Jewish I’d probably be like, “Whud you jus’ say, mofo?” But I’m not, so I just think it’s funny.

This isn’t at all useful, but it’s entertaining. You can do this in any webpage you want, although I recommend doing it from a Google Image Search results page. Copy and paste the following code into your browser’s address bar and press Enter.

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval( 'A()',5); void(0);